Dear Single

This week can be one of the most challenging, heavy, and quietly painful weeks for those who find themselves single—especially as believers. For many, it is not just a date on the calendar, but a mirror held up to longings, questions, and wounds that already require careful stewardship.

I’ve already seen the flood of “encouragements.” Some are offered with good intentions. Some are recycled phrases meant to soothe discomfort—often the speaker’s, not ours. And while they may sound hopeful to the one offering them, they don’t always land with the care or understanding required for those actually living this journey.

As a believer who has walked in abstinence for over twenty years, I have heard a lot. I have seen a lot. And I can tell you plainly: much of what is shared about singleness is not rooted in lived experience. It is theoretical. Detached. Sometimes unintentionally cold, dismissive, or even shaming. 

Many of us did not choose this path in the way others assume. At least—not on our own terms. And this journey often comes not only with our own internal questions, but with uninvited commentary, ridicule, assumptions, and judgment from people we know… and from complete strangers.

This particular week tends to amplify all of it—the thoughts, the lies, the ache, the wondering. It magnifies the silence. It can resurrect old wounds and present new ones, often without offering real answers, helpful insight, or pure wisdom in return.

This morning, while driving to work, I was praying. And in that quiet space, I heard clearly: “Don’t allow a day to get you caught up in a moment that impacts you for a lifetime.” I knew immediately it was meant to be shared—to shore up, steady, and encourage those who find themselves on this single journey.

First, let me say this plainly: Your value is not determined by your relationship status or whether a ring is looming in your future. Your value was established long before romance ever entered the conversation. You are valuable because you were created in the image and likeness of God.

For some, that truth may feel insufficient at first—especially when loneliness is loud. But I promise you, this understanding is life-changing. When you allow the love of God to define your worth, it shifts the lens through which you see yourself, others, and even your future. You stop auditioning for love. You stop bargaining for belonging. You begin to live from wholeness, not lack.

Second, there is no stopwatch on love.
Aging does not disqualify you from being desired, chosen, or cherished. Do not allow the world—or well-meaning voices—to convince you that time has run out. As someone closer to fifty than I care to admit, I still hope. Not because I’m naïve, but because God is real, and His promises are still yes and amen. What I had to learn—sometimes painfully—is that I cannot force purpose or manipulate His timing without doing harm to my own soul.

And third—this truth stopped me in my tracks when I heard it yesterday:
“The protection of God is worth far more than companionship.”

Some rejections, though deeply painful, were protection.
Some doors closing were redirection.
Some calls never coming were intentional.

Not everything that didn’t work was a failure. Some things didn’t work because God was preserving you.

Singleness is not a prison sentence. It is not evidence of delay, deficiency, or divine neglect. It is an invitation—into growth, healing, clarity, and deeper communion with the Father. The question is not simply that you are single, but how are you stewarding your singleness?

Are you becoming who you’re called to be while trusting His timing?
Are you allowing God to tend to the hidden places before inviting someone else into them?
Are you living fully, faithfully, and honestly—right here, right now?

If this week feels heavy, know this: you are not unseen, forgotten, or behind. You are held. And this season—however long it feels—still has purpose.

Grace to you.
Strength for the journey.
And courage to steward this season with truth, dignity, and hope.

With love and understanding,
Pr. MaShani Allen